Seeing the success President Biden’s son had blowing paint out of his nose (an improvement in cash flow and health to pulling various white chemicals in), a local Nevada artist was inspired to eat her way to similar fame. Using the nom de plume Hunter Biteme (in honor of her two favorite pastimes: hunting mice and biting me), the artist known to her friends as Twinkles creates fanciful, historical, paleontological and zoological works in the medium known as “Fancy Feast” (usually found in the pet food aisle rather than the art aisle). Luckily for us, "Finish your plate" isn't in her lexicon. Presented here and below are a variety of the most important works in her catalog. Above is Jay Leno (or is it Count Chocula?) on the left and Marilyn Monroe (right) in a new adventure in historical portraiture for Ms. Biteme. If Miss Monroe looks a bit off from Andy Warhol's original, she would like you to know she often eats in Daguerreotype mode. See the original at MoMA. NOTE!: These canvases (plates, bowls?) are done solely by Ms. Biteme using only tooth & tongue on a round pile of… um, food! No spoons, sticks, fingers or photo magic beyond enhancing contrast is performed by any other creatures. They wouldn't be anywhere near as magical if "monkeyed" with by some kibitzer. If you enjoy these little Rorschach Tests, don't be afraid to donate on the home page. Fancy Feast is an expensive media, and we don't want her worrying about all the starving cats in Asia. Frankly, I'm ashamed I used to constantly hector her about such wanton waste before discovering how important such particular mastication was to her purr-iffik genius in the pursuit of art!
Here, is Ms. Biteme's Elephant Atop the World and, he is, er, doing something. Fertilizing the fields continent by continent I think. Terry Pratchett fans will understand.
Another successful creation is an elephant or maybe half an elephant stomping something kinduv squishy. Maybe it's a woolly mammoth.
This "Rearing Elephant" was rendered soon after the vaunted Red Wave became a Red Trickle. No doubt it saw a little blue mouse.
Hunter ate a new heart with a happy-ish face (sort of a bit of a hangover face)! There is also a buzzard at the top. Let your imagination Soar!
I had an exceptionally bad day and ruined a project. I wasn't very pleasant. Picking up on it, Twinkles ate me a No. 93 overnight. Looking it up, I found: "No. 93 tends to raise the optimism of those it associates with. Its creative communication and appreciation for the arts tends to attract artists to its proximity." She's a sweetie!
A black cat eating her Fancy Feast into the number 13?! If you have Triskaidekaphobia, this will seem a nightmare, but the No. 13 has entered my life so often I relish its intrusion. As Better Numerology says: "The number 13 is a highly powerful number and the one who could balance with its power can achieve everything he [or in this case she] wants."
Continuing her quest with numerology, Ms. Biteme presents No. 9 possibly in honor of the Beatles, but more likely because she likes to smack beetles around (she's a cat, and sometimes mixes up the famed rock band with common household pests). Be sure to click "more" below for another round of fantastic original art!
MEET THE ARTIST
The nom de plume "Hunter Biteme" has brought local artist Twinkles worldwide fame, adulation and untold wealth for her contributions to the Art Whorl.
All these Masterpieces are for sale. Payment firms accepted are PayPal-o-Tuna, Venmosalmon or Masterchicken.
The fireplace Gollum keeps trying to suborn Twinkles to act against me, but she values he who wields the can opener more!
She has taken on the role of Muse, and sits behind my computer to inspire me. Or is it because the router is back there and it is warm? Probably the latter, but every artist needs a muse.
The Eye sees all. Whatever you do, don't stick your hand in there.
Why the arm of only this particular easy chair is on her list for repose beats me. But she causes it no harm. And she poses nicely from there.
She had been dropped off at the Pound with a broken tail. The vets decided it couldn't be saved and amputated it. Because of her age and abbreviated tail, she was considered a "hard to place" cat by the pound.
How was I to know my fireplace contained a Gollum?
I nicknamed my neighbor's cat Panzer and he answers to it (at least to me).
Old Bob, the House Lizard has been chased to refuge in the amaryllis.
Maus
Some of the firearm photos are © FMG Publications, since they were taken by me to illustrate stories written for GUNS Magazine. Everything else is ©2023 by Jeff John. All rights reserved, whether my copyright or FMG's!
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